How to make the killer-est most face-melting guacamole EVER

24 Sep

Since my wife is quite a foodie and I’m a kick-ass husband, I bought her a molcajete for her birthday. I couldn’t just throw it at her and say “Have fun, woman!” so I manned up and figured out to make a killer guacamole. If you make this, women will throw their phone numbers at you so hard that your head will spin.

This is my wife’s molcajete. It took me 2 pounds of rice to season it, but that’s another post for another time.

You will need:

  • 4 Avocados
  • 3 Serrano Peppers
  • 1 Jalapeño Peper
  • 1 Bunch of Cilantro
  • 1 Onion
  • 1 Roma Tomato
  • 1 Skillet
  • 1 Molcajete
  • Another bowl
  • A tater masher

If you’re a real Minnesotan and can’t stand the spicy, use Anaheim or Poblano peppers instead.

1. Put your skillet on the stove on medium heat. Stab a couple of holes in each of the peppers and the tomato. That’s pretty important because if you don’t, your crap will explode and you’ll get spicy in your eye which SUCKS. Roast them by putting them on the skillet for ten minutes. Give them a turn every now and again, but other than that it’s pretty hands off. Don’t be intimidated by roasting. It’s the same as putting in the skillet and leaving them.

Roasting is seriously this easy.


They should look like this when you’re done. See why you turn them?

2. Once your peppers are roasted, cut the ends off and throw them away. They get nasty.

3. Now it’s time to skin the tomato. While it’s still hot, take it out and seal it in a container to trap the steam and soften it up. I put mine in the molcajete and put a pack of tortillas on the top. Let it sit in there for a couple of minutes and then just peel the skin off. Super easy time.

4. Once your tomato is peeled, it’s time to mash. Put the peppers and the tomato in the molcajete. Mash. You’re going to mash.

And mash some more.

And mash even more. Once it looks like salsa, it’s ready.

5. Now you’re going to mince your onion. You’re going to mince it and you’re going to like it. It should look like this.

Your minced onion should look like this. If your pieces are too big, the taste will overpower the rest of the guac.


6. Now cut and mash those avocados!

Cut it in half. Call it names while you cut it. Hurting it’s feelings will make it taste better.

Smack the seed with your knife, then twist. Out she comes.

Now scoop. Repeat for each avocado.

Throw in the chopped cilantro and mash away!

7. Now add the onion and dump in to the molcajete. Be gentle.

Stir. Mix. Whatever helps you sleep.

8. Serve to a lady. With chips. Ladies love chips.


Posted by on September 24, 2012 in cooking, food



3 responses to “How to make the killer-est most face-melting guacamole EVER

  1. courtneyofdoom

    September 24, 2012 at 4:35 am

    The only danger here lies in my utter inability to stop eating it. Soooooo good.

  2. Amanda

    September 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Mmm… Looks delish! I pinned this for future reference! 🙂 I like the step by step photos a la Ree. 🙂

    • El Chris

      September 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm

      Oh mercy, I got compared to REE! You really know how to make a guy blush.


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