Tag Archives: coffee

El Chris starts a business

I know. I’m terrible. I had a successful giveaway on the blog and then quit writing. I. Am. Awful. But really, guys, I can explain!

It’s been extra busy around my house. Halo 4 was recently released and it takes HUGE amounts of time to convince my friends to let me come over and play it. Mr ‘Hoda finally relented, so one night we went out and got steak and played Halo. It was totally killer.

In my other spare time, I sat in my garage, often times with some liquid encouragement. Alone. Inhaling smoke. But it wasn’t just any old smoke. It was caffeinated smoke. Cooking smoke.

It was ROASTING smoke.

I got it in my head that I could roast coffee and make a living. Back in April, a very kind client of mine taught me how to make yogurt and how to roast coffee. I got my hands on an old Home Innovations fluid bed roaster that works pretty much just like a popcorn popper. Roasting coffee in that was satisfying, making coffee with bright flavor and nice happy smells, but at 3 ounces per 15 minute roast, a pound of coffee took over an hour. Something had to give.

I made a half-joking (but hopelessly serious) plea on Facebook, asking for money to buy a new roaster. I was going to need $820 just for a new, higher-capacity roaster, plus several hundred more for a bulk bag of green coffee beans. Business fees, license fees, bag fees, supply fees… I would need a few thousand dollars to make this work.

Enter two angels: Mr Book and Mr White. Mr White sent me enough to cover my LLC registration fees. Someone had walked into his life previously and done the same, so I hope I can pass this on some day soon. Mr Book asked what I needed and ultimately funded all the hardware I would need. Holy crap, this was going to HAPPEN.

I got the idea to run this as a way to support my Boy Scouts and other youth leadership initiatives in the Twin Cities. The YMCA has WONDERFUL leadership camps that kids in the inner city can’t afford, but with a scholarship from me they can. My low-income scouting district can get some much needed funds from this as well. Once I thought of this, Good Turn Coffee was born.

At this point, I started to get a little spooked. I tried to talk myself out of doing this. Here are some reasons I felt that I shouldn’t be a professional coffee roaster:

I’m not skinny.

I don’t have tattoos.

I don’t know how to make a website.

I listen to music that most people have probably heard of.

My coffee maker is a Mr Coffee.

I never worked as a barista.

Once I killed a guy with my boot.

I don’t wear glasses.

I don’t live or work in a cool neighborhood.

I don’t have an iPad.

I have a heart condition which probably means I should take it easy on the caffeine.

I’m up against some serious pressure here. I might screw everything up, bankrupt myself, and destroy my life and my marriage.

On the other hand, here are some reasons why I SHOULD roast coffee:

I’m using some of the profits to support inner-city kids want to learn how to be leaders.

I know how to roast coffee in a cast iron skillet over a fire.

I can make espresso using 4 different types of electronic and non-electronic processes.

I can make an iced non-fat sugar-free triple caramel macchiato that will reduce a Starbucks barista to tears.

I can kill a guy with my boot.

I can roast coffee blindfolded and know exactly how the roast came out.

I can taste the difference between Folgers, Maxwell House, and my coffee.

I can make Swedish egg coffee better than your grandparents AND your church basement ladies.

As you can see, I have some SERIOUS qualifications. I also have drive, a love for underprivileged, awkward kids who want to make something of themselves, and a desire to have a job where I can make a difference. Looks like I’m getting a chance to make it all happen and make it BIG.

To buy my coffee, you can paypal me your order! Send it to It’s $16 for a full pound of delicious coffee, or $10 for a half pound. Shipping is $6 more dollars. Website is coming soon!

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Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Uncategorized


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How to make coffee that doesn’t suck: Grinding your beans

This entry is way old and out of date. I’ve updated it on my new blog at  so click here to read it!

We’ve all been there. Someone offers us a cup of coffee and It’s. Just. Wrong. It’s vinegary. It’s gritty. It’s nasty and bitter. It’s (worst of all) way too weak. Bad coffee can reduce a grown man to tears. It can ruin marriages. It can even ruin your shot at salvation. God HATES bad coffee.

Bad coffee is bad news.

“But El Chris!” You’ll cry, “I’m no coffee nut, I just like drinking the stuff! What can I DOOO?” Fear not, dear readers, for El Chris will show you how to grind your coffee RIGHT.

The grind is a VERY important part of brewing good coffee. It makes as much of a difference as the beans you use. Today you’ll learn how to grind for a percolator, French press, drip coffee pot, and espresso maker. You’ll also learn what to look for on pre-packaged coffee. More on that later.


This is my grinder. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Without it, I am nothing. NOTHING.

Aside from being a delicious type of sandwich, a grinder is crucial. There are two types of grinders: a burr grinder and a blade grinder. Blade grinders use two blades shaped like a propeller to chop up the beans. Blade grinders are cheaper, simpler, and infinitely more popular, but they lack consistency in the grind. When I grind coarse coffee in my blade grinder, I’ll find some whole beans leftover that weren’t touched by the blades. A Burr grinder is a preferred grinder, but they veer toward the pricier end. I’m currently saving for one. I will be demonstrating with a blade grinder today. I love my grinder because it has markings on it to grind for each of these methods. If you REALLY like mine, you can get one here for about 15 dollars. I’ve had it for about ten years and it’s still going strong.

Percolator and French Press

This is a percolator, idiot.

This is a French press, or a Freedom Press if you’re a turd. You aren’t a turd, ARE you?

Percolation is one of the oldest modern methods of brewing coffee. It’s still used to make lots of coffee quickly, but it’s often done with drip-grind coffee, which is too fine.

The same issue happens with a French press. A French press, like a percolator, doesn’t use a paper filter. If your coffee is too fine, it will slip through the mesh filter and give you gritty sludge at the bottom of your cup. A mouthful of that will destroy everything you love. Properly ground coarse coffee should feel like kosher salt.

Coarse ground coffee, perfect for a French press or a percolator.

Drip Brewers

My awesome drip brewer. One time it killed a guy.

These are your Mr Coffees, your “Free coffee maker if you sign up for Gevalia!” and likely your office coffee maker. If you ever buy a bag or can of coffee in the grocery store, odds are it’s a drip grind. Electric drip brewers revolutionized home brewing because the temperature could be more precisely controlled and suddenly coffee tasted good. Boiling water is so hot that it over-extracts the coffee and makes really acidic, REALLY bitter coffee. Drip brewers don’t do that.
Drip brew coffee should be ground finer than percolator or French press. It should feel like sand.

Proper drip grind

Espresso makers

The espresso machine that makes me so awesome.

Camping espresso maker. Most scoutmasters have one of these hooked to an IV bag.

This one is tricky. Espresso is both a roast and a grind and that throws a LOT of people off. If you buy a bag of espresso at the store and it’s ground, odds are it’s ground for a drip brewer and NOT for an espresso maker. Starbucks and Caribou are AWFUL at this. This is too coarse for an espresso maker and will result in weak, watery espresso and an excruciatingly painful death. Even if it isn’t labeled as drip grind, you can tell it is if you read the instructions. If it says to use 1 tablespoon of coffee for 6-8 ounces of water, then it’s drip grind. You can actually grind any roast of coffee into espresso, but we’ll get to that another time. Well ground espresso should look like fine sugar. If it’s more like flour or powdered sugar, your espresso maker will clog and you’ll probably get cancer, so watch for that.

Properly ground fine coffee.

This week, I’ll teach you how to make coffee using each of these methods, plus a bonus method not covered here. Never again will you make a crappy cup of coffee. Remember folks, God HATES bad coffee.


Posted by on September 25, 2012 in coffee, espresso, food


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